Having Kacy in our family has taught us all more lessons than we knew we needed to learn, but I think that's true for all people regardless of your family situation. Time brings experiences that shape us into people we never knew we would become- good or bad. Like so many other parents out there, I pray that I am giving my boys the tools they need to make the kind of decisions that will mold them into men who are honest, trustworthy, hard working, loving, and kind. I hope that they are prayerful, and have faith that pulls their hearts toward God when temptations, frustrations, challenges, and disappointments distract them and make them question a loving God. As much time as I spend praying about those things, I spend even more time praying that they will have the heart to endure the lifetime of responsibility and concern that lies ahead of them as the brothers of a sibling with a disability.
When Tyler was in the fifth grade, he experienced his moment of clarity. It's personal to him and I won't share the details, but there was a very specific day when he realized the significance of Kacy's disability and what it would mean for the future. I keep waiting for Brett to have his own moment, but I'm not entirely sure he will. Brett and I have always been able to talk very openly about Kacy's disability. He asks lots of questions and is able to find the bright side of things and be lighthearted about others. (hmm. Kinda like me!) Tyler prefers to talk about Kacy on a need-to-know basis. He also wants the facts and only the facts, he'll ask maybe a question or two, then he's "out." I can keep talking- but he's no longer actively listening. (HMM. Kinda like his father! ) I appreciate the differences in my boys as much as I appreciate their similarities and it is probably what will make them an excellent team when it comes to making decisions for their brother in the future.
We often get compliments on how good Tyler and Brett are to Kacy. And let me tell ya'... it warms our hearts and puts a big ol' lump in our throats. We are so blessed by their unconditional love for a brother who loves them back, but can't show it in a traditional way. We are so blessed by their unconditional love for a brother who likes to play with them, but not in a traditional way. We are so blessed by their unconditional love for a brother who idolizes them, but not in a traditional way. They never seem embarrassed by him- drool, noises, stimms, and all. In fact, they've been known to throw a dirty look or give Kacy a protective squeeze when a curious observer gets caught staring. They yearn to include him in everything we do. They stand up for him. They speak up for him. They cheer for him. They understand him. As often as teenage boys will let me, I try to let them know how much I appreciate all they do and how much they love Kacy, but I always worry that it isn't "enough." I think the emotional needs of siblings of children with special needs are often neglected, especially when the siblings seem to so "good" to their special brother, or the family seems to be "handling things so well." While Dennis and I are blessed to get lots and lots of support and positive feedback from friends, family, even strangers-- Tyler and Brett don't. While Dennis and I often get compliments on how the boys treat Kacy, Tyler and Brett don't. And since I've never been a sibling of a child with special needs, I don't even know what to say, really. So I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray that they feel encouraged, supported, and blessed as they travel this road with Kacy. I pray that they don't look back on their childhood and feel that it centered around their brother who was disabled, but rather it centered around the love of a family. I pray that they feel valued, respected, and cherished. I pray that they know very proud they make their dad and me. They were given a life that is very different from that of their friends- and they are rising to the challenge with open arms and huge hearts. We love you, Tyler and Brett. And Kacy does, too.
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