...especially Kacy: August

Ohhh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I never dreamt I would drop the ball THIS bad! Let's just say things were a bit busier this year than I had envisioned. So now.... to get caught up, I will be posting a "Reader's Digest" version of each month. My goal is to do one month every other day.... so in a couple of weeks, I should be up to speed. (In theory, of course. We all know how well I met my first goal- so no one should hold their breath.)

Let's go back to the good ol' days of August....

August means harvest, fair steers, back-to-school, football, and most importantly, Kacy's birthday!!! The irony of typing those three exclamation marks after "Kacy's birthday" is that he is NOT a fan of his birthday parties. If I could, I would cue up a haunting pipe organ "DUN-Dun-dunnnn" after those words.

The first few years of his life were great- we whooped it up with friends and neighbors, big dinners, fancy cakes, kids running through sprinklers in the yard, fun themes with great decorations, lots of laughter and excitement! I've always enjoyed celebrating the boys' birthdays and tried to make a big deal out of them. It's the one day that could be completely-over-the-top-fun-and-exciting-because-they-were-born-and-we-love-them! It was less about the presents and more about the fun! So to continue this tradition with Kacy went without question.

But... somewhere around his 5th birthday, things changed. We were celebrating with family and friends. The theme was harvest-baby-appropriate, "John Deere." The cake resembled an actual combine- complete with grain in the bulk tank. There was a "wheat pit" filled with toy combines, trucks and tractors for the kids to play in. Candy, stickers and bubbles were nestled in a green bandanas and tucked in a yellow goodie bags. Balloons and streamers blew in the summer breeze. Family and friends filled the yard. And Kacy was on my lap, slowly melting into a puddle of teardrops. This wasn't his idea of a "happy" birthday. Making him sit in his booster seat while we sang "Happy Birthday" resulted in all-out crying. I'll never forget the anguish on his face and the crocodile tears that fell from his cheeks as he looked to me to save him. The song finished and the smiling guests made comments about how we must be terrible singers... but that wasn't at all what was going on. Putting a stack of presents in front of him was the last straw. I remember having to open them for him while he sat on my lap, buried his head in my neck, and all too quickly the crocodile tears became sobs. Game over. A brief thank you mixed with an apology and Kacy and I retreated to the house.

He recovered quickly, and I slowly pieced together what was happening. His inability to regulate sensory input made situations like birthday parties miserable for him. He revels in the familiar, doesn't like the unexpected, and is a nervous wreck when he can't anticipate what is coming next. It was eventually explained to me that his brain can't "file" input like a typical brain can... so where I can hear the song and watch Kacy's precious face... he hears the song, sees the candles and the blowing streamers, the children crowded around him, feels the breeze blowing through his hair, hears a man sneezing, and the sees smiling faces and clapping hands of 25 sort of familiar adults.... all at the same time. Total sensory bombardment because he can't block out/file away any of it. And to top it off, once he finds my face in the crowd, the one who is suppose to offer comfort, I just stand there- and make him suffer because I want just one evening of "normalcy." This may sound silly, but to accept his processing problem was hard for me and took some time. Years, in fact. But, from that point on, his "parties" changed significantly.

So fast forward five years to the BIG ONE-OH! It was a much different experience for him and he had a great birthday because he got to do his favorite thing of all-- ride in the combine! The crew stopped a bit earlier than usual and we enjoyed dinner right in the middle of the parked trucks, combines, and tractors. We didn't sing. I ordered some tractor-shaped birthday cookies so there were no candles or anything even resembling a birthday cake. The presents were brought home and placed in a corner of the living room for him to open on his own time. He was a happy 10 year old, and not one tear was shed. The next day, we traveled down the road to Grandma & Grandpa Aune's. There we had cake with a candle, and even sang. Not one tear. The quiet, familiar environment with just Grandma, Grandpa and Mom made all the difference. So now, we celebrate Kacy on his birthday as opposed to celebrating his birthday. Sometimes it takes some explaining because it looks like nothing special... but the truth is, it really is a special day for him! From the moment he wakes up, Kacy gets to do exactly what he loves the best- no surprises, no anxiety, no stress. And he's one happy boy- which means we are one happy family!